


Distressing Damsel

by AndreyaHalms



Series: Vistas [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Humor, M/M, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:04:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreyaHalms/pseuds/AndreyaHalms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sirius is really, really scared of rats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distressing Damsel

Sirius eased himself out of bed.

 _Eased_.

As in, one millimeter at a time. As in, he didn't even  _breathe_  until he could feel the carpet under his toes.

Beside him, Remus was sleeping. His body was curled into a little ‘C’ shape, so tight that Sirius could count the knobs of his spine. His breaths were slow and even, not hastened by nightmares, memories, pain, or – sadly - arousal. He was serene. Peaceful.

So, naturally, Sirius had to take a piss.

No, he couldn't hold it in. He'd read somewhere – most likely that weird Muggle handbook Hermoine had handed him about homosexual relationships, ( _ha,_ as if he’d actually needed _that,_ they’d been doing things that would make even the moist stoic of all people blush and go running since they’d been _seven-fucking-teen,_ pun not intended _)_ when they’d told everyone that they, Sirius and Remus, were a _they -_ that not heeding Mother Nature's call after sex increased the chances of some quaint Muggle thing called urinary tract infection. And urinary tract infection in turn meant no sex, and no  _sex_  was nothing short of being cataclysmic. 

And cataclysms of the no-sex kind were the worst, he reckoned.

Remus was a light sleeper with superior werewolf senses which meant that it was nearly impossible for him to not wake his bedmate when he got up in the middle of the night. He'd received harsh words aplenty in the past - as well as the occasional pillow to the face - and had no intention of doing the same tonight. That, and his Moony, bless his cute bony arse, was already nothing more than just skin and bones and soft, lovely hair in more places than one, and therefore needed all the beauty sleep he could get.

Hence, the easing.

Sirius contained his victory shout as he slid the last few inches to the floor without a peep from the bedframe. Quickly, he headed for the bathroom, dodging every creaky floor-spot to the best of his ability. A foot came down wrong, and he froze for an agonizing moment that seemed to stretch till fucking _eternity_ , but Remus’ next breath was as steady as the ones before it. Relief eased the tension in his shoulders, and Sirius resumed his tip-toeing.

::

::

Ensconced by the blankets, Remus hid his smile. In the rare moments between his brashness and boldness, Sirius had a tendency to be immeasurably sweet. Of course, these little bursts only occurred when no one watched.

The door to the bathroom closed with a  _click,_  and Remus heard Sirius swear on the other side of it.

He took a deep breath, sliding a few inches towards Sirius’ side of the bed, where it was warm. He always enjoyed this time of the night.

The stillness.

The silence.

The peace.

The security and promise of waking up to another day in the wonderful presence of his--

And that was when Sirius screamed.

In less than a second, Remus burst through the door, wand out, muscles ready for fight or flight. His eyes darted to and fro, seeking the enemy.

‘Watch out!’ Sirius shrieked. He was cowering on the counter, eyes enormous. ‘It's coming at your foot!’

‘What-?’ Remus’ gaze snapped towards the floor. He paused and lowered his wand slowly. ‘What is that?’

‘It's a hairy motherfucking rat, and it's right next to your foot, so  _killthesonofabitch!_ ’

Remus stared, wondering if he had entered some bizarre dream, and if it would or would not be appropriate to laugh. Sirius’ expression of horror bordered on theatrical. He was hugging his knees to his chest, huddling as far from the floor as he possibly could. There was a small mouse squeaking happily on the bathroom tiles. ‘…This tiny thing?’

‘Tiny?  _Tiny?_ ’ Sirius’ voice took on an unnatural pitch. ‘Are you even  _looking_  at that thing? It tried to eat me two seconds ago! It knows I don't have my wand, and I'm vulnerable, and-  _holyfuckingshit, it's coming for me, kill it, kill it, kill iiiit-_ ’

‘It’s not even a rat—‘

‘I don’t _care_ about the damn specifics _,_ Moony! I’m going to die, and I do not want to die, do you or do you not _understand_ me, you evil, sadistic bastard?!’

‘…Right.’ Casting one last sceptical look at the man, Remus flicked his wand at the miniscule beast, which turned into a teacup with a soft _chink_.

Sirius began to uncoil himself slowly. ‘Damn, I hate those things. With the eyes, and the tail, and the-’ He made a face and shuddered as he touched the ground. He danced around cup, still wary.

‘Yes,’ Remus agreed drily. ‘How terrifying.’

Sirius’ gaze made its way to Remus’ face, and he had the good sense to look abashed for a moment before grinning and shrugging. ‘Well, you know, you're my knight in shining armour now.’ He tilted his head slightly, still smiling cheekily.

‘Which makes you that damsel in distress, then?’

‘Yeah, well, whatever,’ Sirius made a pouting kissy face at him and batted his eyelashes dramatically. ‘So grant me thy kiss of life so that we may ride off to the metaphorical sunset, Sir Moony.’

Remus shook his head, but gave him a kiss nonetheless. Sirius made a hum of contentment, sliding a hand onto his neck.

Abruptly, Sirius pulled back with a frown. ‘Hey. I woke you up.’

Remus nodded once, feeling almost guilty as Sirius’ face turned vaguely heartbroken. ‘Don't let it trouble you.’ Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus hushed him. ‘There's always time for sleep.’

‘Maybe,’ Sirius said sulkily as Remus guided him back into the bedroom. Once they were back in the blankets and Remus’ head was resting on his shoulder, he asked, ‘You were asleep until I… yelled, right?’

Eyes already closed, Remus allowed himself a smile. ‘Of course.’


End file.
